A Week of Holiday Fun

And now I'm back to reality - just as Jess gets to leave on a nice little holiday retreat!

My parents and I spent this last week with our family in Minnesota. It was filled with snow, new experiences, and old memories. I can't believe it's already over - it feels like we were just counting down the days for our fun Christmas vacation to begin.

On Monday, the 21st, we celebrated Brenan's birthday with loved ones and Brenan's favorite - spice cake. We had people over at my cousin Cindy's from both the Eiler side and the LeRoy side of the family. We talked about our favorite memories of Brenan and toasted to the great life he led.

During our holiday week, we got to see several inches of snow fall (Not sure if they were categorized as "blizzard-sized" flakes but there sure were a lot of them! I learned from my cousin Jacob that only certain sized snow flakes actually "count."), plow and shovel snow, go sledding and snowmobiling, and have a snowball fight. This was our first white Christmas in a really long time and it was a great way to celebrate the holiday in a new way.

On Christmas day, most of the family (those who were able to get through the piles of snow!) headed to Lavonne and Fred's house for dinner and family fun. The family presented us with a gift they had been working on for a few weeks, which was amazing and truly represented the spirit of Brenan and Christmas. Many of the LeRoys contributed money and toys to donate to the Children's Hospital in Brenan's name. To document the occasion, they put all the correspondence with the hospital and with each other, pictures, and thoughts about Brenan in a scrapbook titled "The Life of Brenan." Each family member created a page for Brenan or wrote a letter to him to be compiled in his life book. Not only did they make a HUGE contribution, one of the biggest to the hospital in recent times, but they created a way for us all to remember Brenan and what he represented - selflessness and giving to those who are in need. My parents and I are overwhelmed with emotion when we think about what our family has done to support us and remember Brenan. We know how awful it is to have a loved one in the hospital, especially over the holidays, and we hope that the contribution brightened the children's day!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GIFT, LeROYS!

My pictures from the trip will be posted soon! I hope everyone had as merry of a Christmas as we did and I can't wait to see my family in Minnesota again soon. Being surrounded by you all during this time has made it a bit easier to cope with the void of not having Brenan here with us.

Merry Christmas, Brenan. Your baseball cards are on the mantel just as they always have been and will continue to be year after year.

Merry Christmas to All!

Merry Christmas to everyone! Tomorrow I'm headed to Baltimore to see my BFF from high school (Kristy), her husband Robert and their son, Robert D. They are flying me out as birthday present. Hooray! So excited. Everyone have a good week! -jess-

Merry Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve to everyone! I'm excited to share a link to the webpage for the "Following the Master" series. About a year ago, the senior pastor at my church did an amazing series about Jesus, talking about who he really was and teaching a great deal about the time period when he lived. As I have said to many, it completely changed my faith, the way that I think about Jesus, and the pride I feel for being a Christian. It really made an impact on Brenan and I and gave us steadfast faith. Since I am always recommending this series to people and forwarding links--I was excited to find one place where the church has all the links posted together.

The web address is: http://vineyardnorthphoenix.com/section/339

From the depths of my heart, I hope that you take the time to listen to it. Start from the bottom link and work upward chronologically to listen in order. It just might change your life and faith, too. Peace and blessings to all. Merry Christmas! -jess-

Christmas "Eve" Services

Hey! If anyone is looking for a place to go for Christmas services, you all know by now how much I love my church! Best news is that there are services on both the 23rd or the 24th. So if your Christmas Eve plans prevent you from getting to church, take the time to go the night before.

Here's info for anyone who is interested. CLICK HERE.

Thankful for December 21st

Tomorrow, I will celebrate Brenan's birthday and thank God for the blessing that he was to my life. I am so touched by the impact that he made on us all, and I'm so proud to have been his girl.

As sad as I feel sometimes, I am often overcome by the happiest memories. There were so many amazing memories--the big memories like our wedding and the inbetween memories of daily life. Brenan's good nature and love for life enriched everything around him. Even without him here, that richness lasts on and blesses me daily.

I thought that this might be a good way for us all to celebrate as we remember his birthday. Post your happy memory of Brenan (by clicking "Comments" below) and let us all celebrate his life.

I'm Still Yours--Kutless (another great song by this band)

Escaping the Bait of Offense

Well, I am officially enjoying rest and relaxation. I turned in all my grades for my ASU job this morning (at like 4:30am!) and I'm kind of out of it today. Still, the euphoria of being deadline-free at the moment is something I haven't felt in a long time. Yesterday, I had some friends over to my house to celebrate graduation and catch up from the many months that I've been a recluse. What a treat...I had a great time!

I am so excited to share something that I think will make a big impact for many people. It is a rare occasion that Thora Anderson, my senior pastor's wife, speaks at church. Last weekend she gave an amazing message that really impacted me. She is a wise woman with much clarity. Her message is called: Escaping the Bait of Offense. It's about the importance of maintaining relationships by avoiding taking offense. It really freed me from some past things that I have been struggling to resolve. I honestly think that you will feel the same way if you take the time to listen. It is really terrific life advice--whether or not you go to church! (And if you do listen, post comments to encourage other people to do the same!)

Click here: Escaping the Bait of Offense
Click Here for the Notes
(The audio file takes about 60 seconds to load)

Here's some of the big points that I took away (But take the time to listen for yourself!):
*It is impossible that the opportunity to be offended will not come in life--it's all about how we choose to respond.
*When people pick up offense, they themselves stumble and fall.
*Proverbs 10:18 "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable."
*Offense is like kryptonite to Superman: It drains us of our spiritual vitality.
*Offense causes us to miss the blessings of God in our life (especially relationships with others).

So, as Thora says: "Tis the season to have lots of opportunities to be offended." Take a minute to listen to this wise advice and consider how you will respond to others when given the opportunity to either get offended or respond in grace.

If you do not already have QuickTime, you may need to download it (free) HERE.

A few pics

Well, a lot of the pictures must be on my bro's camera, but here's a couple of cute ones until I get the rest! ;) Am I a lucky girl or what? So much love and support!

We went to dinner ahead of time at a fun restaurant called Boston's where I used to eat during my undergrad. They make great pizza and pasta. Mmmm... pizza. They used to have an amazing Chicken Thai pizza--but you'll just have to take my word for it because they don't have it on the menu anymore! Boo.

Me and Trav

Party party party!

One year from now...it will be Jamie in the gown, graduating with her M.Ed. in English!

WOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!

Well, I am so very happy to tell you that I just got home from graduation! I came straight home and updated my resume! Funny, right? It just seemed like an appropriate way to mark the occasion ;)

As the euphoria wears off, I have to stop and thank everyone who has supported me in love, faith, and prayers through this very difficult time. It doesn't seem possible that it is finally OVER!

It was a very special night. It meant so much to me that my mom, Travis and Jamie, Bruce, Elisa, Uncle Les, and Uncle Russ came out to celebrate. I will try to post some pics tomorrow. The excitement is starting to wear off and I think that I will finally be able to sleep...a good, long, long sleep. Thank goodness I am not working tomorrow! I turned in all my progress reports today and left school with a big "Winter Break" smile on my face.

I heard this great song on the radio on my way home. Kind of felt like it was the perfect song to describe the road to get here...and the road from here...and maybe the road of life in general. It has a great line that I am already holding close to heart: "Don't you give up now, the sun will soon be shining. You've gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining."

Love and thanks! Jess

Kutless-What Faith Can Do

Almost finished

Well, I just submitted the last assignment of my Masters degree program. I should officially be eligible for graduation starting....well, like 2 minutes ago. I am so overcome with exhaustion, euphoria, and disbelief. What a long road it has been.

Many thanks to all for the love, support, and encouraging messages. They have been much needed! I submitted my final Action Research Project on Tuesday night. I've spent the last 16 weeks looking at increasing comprehension of picture books for preschool children by acting out the book with simple props in order to bring the story to life. It has been an amazing project that my students just absolutely loved. I feel that they got so much out of these books and they continue to ask to read them aloud. I have even seen kids reading the books to themselves and to others in the book area. What a fun way to increase appreciation for reading! (And it gave me the opportunity to share two of my favorite books ;)

Well, it should get better from here. Graduation is one week from today. I think that I'll pinch myself when I get the diploma in the mail. Wow. But I'm trying to stay focused on the other stuff going on. All of the ASU students are in the process of submitting their final projects so I've been busy grading papers for the ASU job. Things continue to be crazy at the preschool. I have six IEP's to finish and hold in the next week. I've been there really late--and I'm actually up late working on one right now. Progress reports are due as well so I've been busy collecting data and getting those written up.

However...one week from today, I will be on winter break. I'm not planning to go to school on Friday since graduation gets out rather late that night. Come on, come on! Hope this week goes by fast and I get all my work done! ;) Love to all! Jess

Brenan would be proud!

I know there are a lot of Vikings fans who follow this blog... so apologize that it is updated by a CARDINALS FAN!!!! And you have to read while I boast about how well the Cardinals played last night. I wore my brother's Cardinals jersey and shared a high five with him for each successful play. Way to go, Cards!

HELLO!

Well, contrary to popular belief that I was kidnapped by terrorists and dragged off to a cave where I had no access to the blog--I just wanted to send out a quick hello and say that I am still here.

I'm just about finished with my (crazy amounts of work) research project. I have my rough draft of the final turned in...and I am just waiting for my instructor's comments so that I can get this sucker wrapped up! Feeling closer to graduation than ever and totally elated (and exhausted). Hope everyone out there is doing ok! ;) Jess

Tri Results & Pics

Sorry... another post about the triathlon. :) But the professional photos are now available to view. When you click on the link, you will be prompted to either enter my last name or my bib number - which is 226.

http://www.capstonephotostore.com/search.php?eventnum=305

Things are a-okay with us - we are all keeping busy with work and getting ready for Thanksgiving. Dad just got back from a hunting trip, a few days of relaxation and cold weather, but no elk!

My goal for the next few days is to really think about all the wonderful things we have to be thankful for. What are you thankful for?

Tri Addict

I'd have to say this was the hardest triathlon I have participated in, but all the more rewarding in the end. Lake Pleasant is pretty low right now, so the hike up the boat ramp after the swim to the transition area was not short! The bike ride had several large hills to climb, but everything that goes up must come down - and flying down those hills was a thrill. As I finished up with the 3 mile run I felt tons of energy, and in one of the pics you can see me pointing up, recognizing Brenan for carrying me through.

Thanks for all your comments - I appreciate all your encouragement and love!

You can see all the photos Jess took here: http://www.kodakgallery.com/gallery/creativeapps/slideShow/Main.jsp?token=576422057113%3A1877333124


I, of course, plan to keep participating with Team in Training and will always fundraise for the organization that tried to help Brenan in many different ways. I'll post more pictures as we get them from Sandy and Kim, who was here visiting us from Minnesota.

ELISA WINS THIRD PLACE!

Well...I just have to log on here and brag a little bit for Elisa (since she's probably too humble to brag for herself!) She did a totally freakin' amazing job in the Triathlon today...seriously impressive! You should have seen the crazy amount of hills out there at Lake Pleasant! And she still managed to be cheerful after all that crazy working out!

We had a great time and I will leave the rest of the story for her to tell...But I have to mention that she got 3rd place for her entire division!!!! Yea! So I want *everyone* reading this post to respond with cool comments of congratulations for Elisa....yeah, you! If you're reading this you'd better write something! Let's overwhelm her with comments of support and congratulations! Click on "comments" below to write yours! (You don't have to sign up for an account to reply but make sure and sign your name so she knows who it's from).

Here's a picture of the amazing girl as she runs off for the last part of the Triathlon!

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! Go Elisa! Wow! More from her to come (I'm sure!) Love, Jess

More Nickelback

So, I initially posted the Nickelback song with the lyrics video because I thought it was the better choice than their official music video. Anyhow, I was just thinking about the cool message at the end of their official video and I decided to post it as well. Watch to the end...it's worth it!

Nickelback: If Today Was Your Last Day (Official Music Video)

Nickelback-If Today Was Your Last Day

This song always reminds me of Brenan. He lived his whole life like it was his last day...being genuinely good to people, learning all that he could from any situation, volunteering his time and talents, and striving to be the best that he could be.

Words to live by and reflect on:
Nickelback--If Today Was Your Last Day

Tri-Again

On September 27, I participated in a practice triathlon, something I did last year as well. You can see photos from the event here: http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event.asp?EVENTID=56187&BIB=158&S=230&PWD=#

Just about 10 more days until the fundraising triathlon that many of you contributed to. Check out my latest on fundraising here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/amchamp09/eeiler

The chill of October

...well, there was at least one day when it was chilly.

Gosh, I've been feeling so much sadness lately, too. It really is something that comes in waves. The term "steep hill climb" must just be for Traithlon mountain bikers ;)

October 22nd will be one year since Brenan's bone marrow transplant. It's such a surreal feeling. In the last few weeks, I've been thinking and reflecting so much about the events of the past year. In one way, it feels like yesterday. In another, it feels like years ago. We have been through so much in that time. As October comes with the brisk air, it rushes in with so many memories. I remember feeling the chill walking into the hospital at night after work, the Halloween candy we had in our room, the Jack O'Lantern pumpkin that Julianne brought to add decoration, the kindness of the staff on the 12th floor at Good Sam, the anticipation, the worry, and the hopefulness. It's kind of overwhelming to look back on all that and then fast forward to where we are now. It's like a movie. Or as Elisa and I say "It's like someone else's life."

I seem to have a hard time finding a balance between making time to grieve and being overcome by it. Where is that place that it between denial and dehibilitation? It's definitely a challenge that I think many go through in such circumstances. Sometimes, the things that seem the most trivial make me the saddest....like the other day when I reorganized my closet and reflected on how much Brenan would have appreciated the tidiness. Those things make me smile and sad at the same time. How confusing. He made a huge impression on us all and the things he taught me are so engrained in my life that it is impossible to separate his influences from who I am today. For that, I am grateful but it makes it very difficult to anticpate when the sadness will come. I have very much appreciated everyone's love and support and hope that you are feeling supported in your grief for Brenan as well.

With love, Jess

Holiday Plans

My parents and I are all set with our holiday plans. We're excited to pack up and head north for an authentic white Christmas with the family up in Minnesota. I haven't seen snow in God knows how long... I think I might need to go shopping for a big winter coat!

We're looking forward to our trip to see some friendly faces - and we know that being close to our loved ones will be the best place for us during the holidays and Brenan's birthday, which is Dec. 21.

A bit of a tangent...

We lost Brenan almost 5 months ago… actually 140 days ago today, but who’s counting? Oh, that’s right – we are… my mom, my dad, and me. And probably Jess, but I don’t want to speak for her. I know that we all continue to mourn in our own way.

Which brings me to my point, which I've been meaning to make for the past few months – every person in the world mourns the loss of a loved one in a different way. It depends upon your relationship with the loved one, the dynamics of that relationship, and also, to be completely honest, how the person died. One person’s situation is not any easier or less sad than any other person’s situation – they are just different.

My best friend lost her unborn child last year – she still cries from time to time. There were periods of time when she missed work because she was so sad. Yes, many of us worried about her… but now, over a year later, she is coping and making it through her sadness. She just needed time – and the truth is, there is a part of her that is still sad and always will be, which I believe is very understandable and expected. She knew early on that her pregnancy was high risk. It didn’t make her any less sad when she lost her first son at 20 weeks. Similarly, we knew that Brenan was very sick for a long time, and when he was released from the hospital that final time, we all were reluctant to come to the realization that the end was near. That doesn’t mean we weren’t any less shocked and devastated when he took his final breath than if it had happened in a sudden accident.

My parents and I are coping to the best of our ability, thanks to those loyal friends who have been here with us every step of the way. However, our mourning has been more of a rollercoaster than an uphill climb. We aren’t just going to reach the top of a mountain and suddenly be fine. Some people see mourning as this – that we march uphill out of our valley of sadness for a set amount of days and then we need to “move on.” So how many days do we get? Are we allowed to be sad for 30, 45, or maybe even 60 days? Can we have even 90 days to mourn? What’s okay with YOU? How many days can YOU handle our sorrow? Sorry, I went off on a tangent there because I’m very irritated by some people, who we have considered “friends,” that have been giving us restrictions on the time and way we can mourn Brenan. Believe it or not, how we are mourning is normal for us – and no one has any room to judge because they do not know what it’s like to be us and in our position.

Like I said before, our journey these past few months has been like a rollercoaster - lowest of low days and extremely happy highs. Eventually, our rollercoaster will not have as severe ups and downs as it does now and things will even out a bit. Some days are fine – absolutely normal and smooth sailing. Other days are devastating, the emotional dam breaks, and the tears flow like a waterfall. One thing can trigger the sadness – today for me it was thinking about how Brenan wanted to possibly pursue a degree from University of Phoenix and we talked about finding him the right online program. Now, he’ll never get that opportunity. I think about that, and I get very, very sad.

Yes, my mom and dad are sad, too. They have every right to be. I want to thank each and every one of you who have let my parents and me cry on your shoulder. Crying and being sad is not wrong. Feeling devastated is normal. We wake up, we go to work, we eat, we sleep, we talk to each other, and yes, WE CRY. And we won’t stop crying. But we will learn to cry less, to continue living our lives, and to find new things to be happy about, and this will take time. That doesn’t make us “sick” and it doesn’t make us “depressed.” It makes us “normal.”

***If for any reason you are worried about my parents or me, please reach out to me. Please call or write, and ask questions. I see my parents about twice a week and talk to them every day. If anyone knows how they are feeling or how they are doing, it is me. So if my mom doesn’t get a chance to return your call, feel free to call me and we can discuss.

Quotes to ponder

Hi, all....a couple of things that really stuck out to me from church today that I thought I'd share. These are both quotes of Brian Anderson (Vineyard North Phoenix):

"The starting point of Christian faith is to see ourselves as children of God--through adoption by our faith in Jesus Christ." And as children of God, we should see ourselves as God sees us: perfect, wonderful, adored.

"Two things can be lead to sin and difficulties in life: (1) Distortions of God and who He really is; and (2) Distortions of ourselves and who we really are in God's eyes." Because God truly wants to be a father to us...loving and giving. He wants us to see ourselves as He sees us...worthy, capable, loved.

Just some thoughts to ponder ;) Hope that all is well with everyone!

Nichole Nordeman--Gratitude

I love this song. I am surprising myself to realize that I haven't posted this video sooner. It's an amazing song in that it fits almost every life event...celebrations and sorrows. Hope that you enjoy it.

Nichole Nordeman--Gratitude

Lyrics:

Send some rain, would you send some rain? Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again. And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade. Would you send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down? Surely you can see that we are thirsty and afraid. But maybe not, not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case: We'll give thanks to You, with gratitude, for lessons learned in how to thirst in You; how to bless the very sun that warms our face; if you never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread. Bless our bodies, keep our children fed. Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight. Wrap us up and warm us through. Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs. Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time. Or maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case: We'll give thanks to You, with gratitude; a lesson learned to hunger after You; that a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead, and if we never taste that bread.

Oh, the differences that often are between--everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace. Move our hearts to hear a single beat, between alibis and enemies tonight. Or maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away. And if that's the case: We'll give thanks to You with gratitude for lessons learned in how to trust in You. That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream in abundance or in need. And if you never grant us peace....but Jesus, would you please?

Catching up

Gosh! It's been ages since I posted anything. Work has been kind of crazy because the quarter just ended on Friday and I was trying to get all my progress reports done and an IEP done before fall break. Thankfully, I lived and now I have a week off to recuperate and to catch up on the many things I've been neglecting lately!...such as ASU homework (Boo!) However, I officially filed for December graduation this week so the end is near!

Thought that I'd post a couple of videos since I haven't shared much lately. These are all songs by the band "Mercy Me." They're another great band like Casting Crowns.

Mercy Me--Word of God Speak

Mercy Me--I Can Only Imagine

Mercy Me--Spoken For

Hope that everyone out there is doing well! Jess

Still Training

Just one month of training to go until the big triathlon event on November 1 at Lake Pleasant in Peoria, Arizona.

I will also be participating in a triathlon this weekend on the 27th in Tempe for a little "practice." Training is going well and I'm excited to be involved in a race again.

This Sunday will be an emotional day for me - one year ago my brother was at this very same event watching me race. I crossed the finish line and Brenan was there to give me a big hug. He was feeling good that day... and so was I! I had completed my first triathlon and my brother was there to see it.

Thank you again for all your support! You can check out my fundraising website here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/amchamp09/eeiler and see that I am WAY over my goal thanks to you!

Waiting for Fall

Next week marks the official start of fall. If you feel at all the way I do, this tiring, hot, emotional summer cannot be over soon enough. I look forward to a fresh autumn breeze and temperatures dropping below 100 degrees.

Lucky for me, I was able to wrap up the summer with a nice long vacation in Alaska followed by a week-long trip to Michigan with Dave visiting his family. His brother got married last weekend, which was a bittersweet day for me. Dave's family is so welcoming and loving - he has two brothers and a sister, and very nice parents. I couldn't help but feel a bit lonely and terribly sad, but very happy for Dave's brother at the same time. I miss my brother immensely. When my mom and I talk about it, we know the best thing for us to do to honor Brenan is keep living, keep smiling, keep remembering all the good times, and try not to be sad. But we can't help but feel the reality of the situation sink in a bit deeper as each day passes.

Right now, my godmother and our family's long time friend and neighbor from Minnesota, Renie, is here visiting. She is so much fun to be around and we are excited to spend this week with her.

Lost Dogs song "Breathe Deep"

Hey, everyone! Just a quick note to give you an update and post a video. I've had a really great week at my new job. Everyone is so friendly!...it's like being in Disneyland. I'm a bit overwhelmed with beginning organizational tasks but anticipate that I'll be feeling really good in about a week. The kids and teaching environment are great! I really like the district model they have set up to include so many of their special education students in regular education settings.

I'm so grateful to also say that I have been feeling really prepared in the job based on the things I have learned in my masters program in combination with the things I already knew from my Special ed degree. Additionally, I took my AEPA (Arizona teacher test) for early childhood over the weekend and felt really successful. It is so great to have that out of the way. Whew!

Here's a pretty cool video that I think you will appreciate. This was one of my favorite songs when I used to do Jr. High Youth Ministry. I like how it includes everyone! "Breathe Deep" by Lost Dogs:



Also, not sure who is/isn't following the healthcare reform topic but I really liked President Obama's weekly address this week. Here's a link (click) if you're interested.

Have a good week everyone! Jess

Announcing Cardinals tickets for bid!

Hey, all. It's Cardinals season again and Brenan's friend, Jose is keeping the tradition alive! You would certainly all remember Jose from his meaningful reflection at Brenan's memorial service. (He was that wonderful guy with the Cardinals jersey.) Brenan and Jose had season tickets together and they both loved the Cardinals...yes, even before the Cardinals were big deal West Conference champs. Jose has been at the last two pre-season games keeping the seats warm and the Cardinals spirit on fire. You would be very touched to read Jose writing about going up to Cardinals training camp and getting Anquan Boldin to autograph Brenan's jersey. Read that story and see some great pictures HERE. (Click)

I am so terribly sad to say that Jose is out of town at the moment because his mother sadly passed away from an accident at her nursing home. This news fills me with much sorrow for Jose, his wife Maritza, and their kids Joseph and Abrielle. Since tomorrow is a home game for the Cardinals and Jose will not be able to go to the game, he had the most wonderful idea to "sell" the tickets for proceeds to benefit Elisa and her Leukemia & Lymphoma Society triathlon! He is truly an amazing person. So--give it up for Arizona Cardinals tickets! I'm putting them up more like an auction. Bid your price in the comments section here. (Don't forget to put your name if you post anonymously). Whoever has the winning price by 9 am tomorrow will be the winner. You can pick up the tickets at my house (very close to Cardinals stadium) anytime you want tomorrow.

Ticket info:
Arizona Cardinals vs. San Francisco 49ers
Sunday, September 13th at 1:15
Section 437, Row 7, Seats 9 and 10 (plus parking pass)
Here's a link to the map of the stadium seats

Remember that you can write this off to charity! Guys go ahead and use that excuse with your ladies! Click on "comments" below to bid. And please everyone keep Jose and his family in your prayers.

Legacy (Nichole Nordeman)

Reminder that the next "Project Homeless Connect" is this Friday, Sept. 11th. If you remember, I wrote about this awesome volunteer opportunity a few weeks ago. Click here to read about it if you missed it the first time. Consider volunteering if you are off work or could get off work. (Remember that some companies have volunteer options that will pay you for a day off work and allow you to volunteer. Check and see if your company is like this.)

Here's the web address to sign up to volunteer: http://vsuw.org/volunteer/project-homeless-connect. Friday, Sept 11 -- Human Services Campus: 1201 W Madison Street, Phoenix, AZ 85007 (7:30-4:30 Volunteer for a specific time slot on website).

Sadly, I can't go to the event myself since I start my new job this week. If anyone gets to go, you'll have to let me know if you enjoyed it. For all the things that people mention when talking about Brenan, I will always be touched by his unbelievable spirit of volunteerism.

A video reminder to inspire the volunteer in all of us: Nichole Nordeman--Legacy

Chorus:

I want to leave a legacy / How will they remember me? / Did I choose to love? / Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? / I want to leave an offering / A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically / And leave that kind of legacy

Here's a link to the rest of the lyrics: Click here

Funny Peter Sagel quote

I heard an amusing quote this weekend that I thought I'd post in light of all the debate last week about Obama's back to school speech. I think that it will likely amuse you regardless of your party affiliation...especially if you have kids:

"People have accused the president of trying to indoctrinate our children with his 'socialist agenda.' This is crazy talk. I have three school-aged children who take what they want from the productive members of the family, demand constant subsidy, and refuse to earn their own keep. How much more socialist could they get?" --Peter Sagel on "Wait, wait...Don't Tell Me" --NPR

Hope this gave you a good laugh! -jess-
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Here's the link to the Obama speech by the way in case you want to pre-read it or forward it on to friends. I think that it's great that someone wants to tell the youth of America how important they are to the future of this country! Perhaps this will become an annual tradition for ALL presidents of ALL parties to come!
http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks/

Hooray new job!

Very pleased to announce that the work issue has been resolved! My company, after having no success in resolving the 2 day/3 day contract issues with my previous school district, has been looking for a new placement for me this year. A great opportunity popped up for an "inclusion specialist" in a district (which I won't name just yet since it isn't completely finalized). Since my previous district has not followed up with my company for over a week, and I am unwilling/unable to work there for only two days a week, my company has moved ahead in pursuing the new position. We met with the Special Ed director on Friday and it seems like a really good fit. I am excited about the opportunity and the resolution to something that has really been stressing me out mentally and financially!

As an inclusion specialist, I will work with classroom teachers (preschool) who have both regular education students and special education students in their class. The special education students receive their education in a typical setting with their peers, allowing them all of the opportunities of their peers as well as the good role-model examples. This is a philosophy that I really appreciate: it is very child-focused and, in my opinion, exactly what special education should look like. Anyhow, I will be supporting the classroom teachers and the education of the special students as well as maintaining their IEP (educational goals) and attending meetings with parents, etc. I feel that all of my previous teaching experiences, especially the last three years of working with so many different types of students and classroom placements, has really prepared me well for a job that I will enjoy. It is also a great opportunity to affect the lives of lots of kids...I will have around 30-40 on my caseload. There is another woman who also works for my company who shares the same job title at a different school. I am meeting with her on Tuesday to "shadow" a bit and see how her role works at her school. I start at my new school on Wednesday!

Thanks be to God for a great opportunity that will be both interesting and challenging! Thanks also to EES (Exceptional Educational Services) and to Emily and Rick who have been very pro-active in advocating for me this year...finding me a job that I expect to really enjoy.

Chris Rice--Cartoons

Something to make everyone smile. This is a song that Chris Rice does live with all the funny voices. Pretty entertaining and impressive. I don't often cite the sources of stuff I find on youtube, but in this case I have to give props to "terryrlo7" for this awesome video ;) Enjoy!

Appreciation

So, I'm sitting on the back patio working on homework, enjoying the storm, and remembering our wedding day. Being in the backyard always gives me a lot of comfort and happiness. When I look at the grass, I'm still in disbelief that we fit 95 people in our yard! Remembering that day will always make me smile.

I started thinking about all the people that made it possible and just wanted to take a brief moment, once again, to say "Thank you!" to all who could come and the many that helped. I treasure those memories and think of the kindness shown to us very often. Love from Jess

Procrastinating..."Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns

Hi, all. I am procrastinating my homework by taking this brief moment to share some videos I've been meaning to post. If you like the first one, you'll have to watch the second one for sure. It's full of cool tricks. Hope you enjoy! -jess-

Job update=No update

Not much to write but didn't want anyone to think that I hadn't taken the time to pass on good news or something. The truth is just that there's limited news to pass on.

My company met with the Special Services director yesterday and he still wasn't able to give answers about much of anything. Just more "waiting and seeing" conversation. The company is looking at other back-up options in case all of this falls through. I'm just working my two days a week in the meantime until something changes.

There is some good news, though: I've been in touch with my manager at the restaurant and that sounds like a strong, open door. Unfortunately, all of this other "job drama" has been preventing me from really moving on with much of anything. I think I may just have to start making decisions at some point without having all the information yet.

Also, I think that I've picked up an ASU job working with one of my graduate professors. I'm really excited about the possibility of that--just waiting on specifics. The class doesn't start until October and I would be helping with grading and other stuff.

Thanks to everyone for thoughts, prayers, and help over the last few weeks! I am hopeful that this will all be worked out soon. -jess-

Dear Brenan,

Dear Brenan,

Last night I had my first swim practice for latest triathlon I am training for in November. Remember last year when I started training, I called you complaining about how hard swimming is? I said, "Brenan! This is HARD!! I don't think I can do it. My coached laughed at me." You laughed and gave me some pointers and the next time I saw you, you did your best to demonstrate the proper way to do a freestyle stroke from your hospital bed.

Last year at practice, my coach had asked me if I knew how to swim and I said, "Sure!" thinking that "swim" meant getting from point A to B without drowning. I was WAY off. I needed a lot of work. But each week I got better and better, while listening to your advice.

At last night's practice, my coach said, "I want everyone to watch Elisa. This is the way to do it, the way I want you to look. Elisa, swim out to the middle of the pool so everyone can see how long your strokes are and how you keep your head down even when you take a breath."

I've come a long way. I know you'd be proud. I miss you.

Love,
Elisa

With Purpose

I went on a bike ride with my Team in Training this weekend and it felt so good to be on the road again. You may remember from my last triathlon that we always dedicate team rides to someone. My team road in memory of Brenan this past Sunday morning. I've already had so many people donate and have surpassed the goal of $2,300. You can track my fundraising at my site here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/amchamp09/eeiler.

A friend of mine, who had met Brenan a couple of times when we went out to the sand dunes for weekend trips, wrote to me recently. She said "It’s tough to make sense of cancer and losing loved ones to it. The only thing I’ve come up with is that maybe God wants to reward certain amazing people by getting them to heaven sooner; however, it’s the hurting people left behind that I can’t quite figure out a theory for??"

I thought for a moment about a theory for the hurting people left behind... and what I came up with is that, maybe, without losing someone we love so much who was such a good human, we wouldn't feel motivated to help the world be a better place. Now that Brenan's good works have to come to an end, we must continue where he left off and those acts are multiplied by all of us. I wrote back to my friend, as I have told you all before, Brenan is the angel hovering over me, pushing me to be a better person. I have his high expectations to live up to. So whether you volunteer your time or money or improve your life by learning a new skill, things that Brenan valued, you are fulfilling his dreams - and that's our job as the hurting people left behind here on Earth.

Project Homeless Connect

So--just a quick note to tell you about a really cool event that I went to yesterday. The United Way has a campaign called "Project Homeless Connect" that gathers service providers in one location, spreads the word to homeless people through churches and fliers, and tries to set people up with services that can get them off the street. It was truly the most inspirational thing to be a part of and I met so many wonderful, interesting people that warmed my heart. The best news is that this event happens once a month--so if you like what you read here, you can volunteer in September.

This month, the event was at my church--Vineyard North Phoenix. The place was crawling with people all day. There were two full meals served, lots of water and gatorade, and all kinds of services including: Department of Economic Security (ACHHS, food stamps, and more), shelters, Vital Records (birth certificates, etc), Social Security, DMV shuttle service, reduced housing information, voicemail service ("Community Voicemail"), showers, haircuts, medical services, clothing bank, backpacks, employment information and job fair listings, resume creating, shoebox ministries, free bus passes and so much more. The best part of all was the smiles on people's faces! It was really touching.

For the event, each guest is assigned a volunteer "guide" who takes them around the many areas and makes them aware of services that might help them. I really liked this part because I got to know a few people in depth. The guests that I toured with found so many amazing benefits! One of the men got medical screening and referred to Healthcare for the Homeless because he probably needs a pacemaker! Also, he was so excited to get connected with shelter services. He kept saying, "I'm just so glad that I have a place to go tonight." Another gentleman had come to get new clothes and a haircut because he is planning to start going on job interviews. I could tell how important this was to him as he picked out the perfect clothes and excitedly talked about the jobs he'd seen posted. Talking with all these people was an amazing experience! Having meals together and truly getting to know people was so interesting.

And above all...I was most interested and moved by the following observation: When looking at people walking around in pairs (guest and guide), it was oftentimes difficult to tell who was actually the "homeless" person. This was especially true after the showers. Everyone here was smiling, talkative, and cheerful. This event breathed so much LIFE into people in unfortunate circumstances. And they all walked away holding their heads high...with clothing, food, and potential services to change those circumstances.

Consider volunteering!
http://www.vsuw.org/volunteer/project-homeless-connect
The next event is: Friday, September 11, 2009--Human Services Campus--1201 W Madison StreetPhoenix, AZ 85007--from 7:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (Volunteer for any time slot)
*PS: Some companies have benefits where they will pay you for a day of volunteering. Check to see if your company has this type of program.

And my personal thoughts on homelessness here: I've spent the last 29 years of my life pondering the situation where a person asks for help on the street. Yeah...TV shows, newspapers, and prejudice tell people that they shouldn't give money to these people. Perhaps you worry that they'll buy drugs or alcohol. But you know what I say...who cares! Don't you think that two or three dollars is less important than a person's sense of worth? When you do give someone a few dollars, perhaps you are showing them that people on this earth still care. And just think, your kindness might be a turning point for them. Even if they do use that two dollars to buy alcohol or drugs, maybe they can vow "this is the last time." I think that the value of a person--and taking a stance to show a person that they are noticed--is worth far more than two dollars. Give someone a bit of cash, save yourself the anxiety and self-hatred of turning them away, and make a small difference in one minute of a person's life. And even more importantly...stop and talk to them! I have met some very interesting people this way.

Thanks be to God for all of the blessings in our lives. Jess

**********
Job update: Lots brewing on the job-front but nothing official yet. Still weighing all my options...including sailing around the world. More to come on all of that stuff.

Summer Coming to a Close

A big "thank you" goes out to Aunt Lavonne and Uncle Fred for a much-needed vacation to Alaska. I think it was exactly what Jess and I needed, just as our summer is coming to a close. I could feel Brenan with us and see him smiling.

We had an adventure planned each day. We did everything from visit an old mining town, to seeing rescued animals at a conservation park, to taking a cruise to see a glacier up close and personal. Lots of fun times and scenic views.

Update

Well, my contract company is all fired up (in the good way) and going to work on this. Best news is that Rick said they could at least keep my insurance going somehow--even at 2 days a week. That was a big relief. Other than that, I'll just see what comes up...maybe something really good.

PS: I found proof that Nancy did all this to me on purpose! (Not like I needed proof but it felt good). I had sent her an email last Friday to pass on information and my tentative schedule. Had she read this email, it would have been very clear to her that I was clueless about the changes that blindsided me today. So, I checked to see when she read it: 2:12 on 8/14, exactly 23 minutes after I sent it. She also saved the 2 attachments to her computer and forwarded it to someone else. Busted! Wickedness proven!

Oh, the joys of adulthood...

So, just when I thought that I was in the clear with the job this year, today turned out to be a big bombshell! The other music therapist in the district met with the Director of Special Services privately, found out all kinds of helpful information, made him agree to give her five days/week this year (instead of 4) and passed on none of this information to me. Just to protect her identity, let's call her Wicked Nancy. (It makes me feel better). The director has made some changes to the program (such as shortening the music time) that already limit the number of hours available for us to work. I, of course, knew none of this since she hadn't passed on this info to me and I hadn't heard it from anyone else. It turned out to be such a time-waster for all of us because I'm sitting there playing "catch up" with an absolutely meaningless tentative schedule (that has taken me at least 5 hours) because nobody has clued me in. In order to give herself five days a week, she had factored almost all of my caseload into her schedule and presented it like that was how it was going to be this year (leaving me with almost no caseload).

Anyhow, I sat there trying to keep my cool, not cry, not yell at her, and maintain some sort of professional dignity as I pretty much fought for my job. Death toll: 0. Broken-hearted:1 (maybe 2). After whipping out my resume, asking to speak with him privately, and making a very strong case for my professional references and effective application of music for educational purposes, he decreased her days to four and gave me two. She still stormed out of there afterward. Go figure. [Perhaps it was the part when I said that he should decide based on our qualifications! But hey, isn't that a fair comment when I am sitting there with 2 bachelors, an almost-completed masters, ridiculous numbers of student teaching hours, and a "teammate" that doesn't pass on necessary information?!?] Unfortunately, he just felt like so much had already been decided and promised (when he told Nancy he'd give her 5 days last year)...I suppose he thought that he was being accomodating by shortening both of our schedules--but I don't understand why he wouldn't have just looked at what was (possibly) best for the district and split it 3 days and 3 days. We've all got mortgages to pay afterall...not just Wicked Nancy (it feels so good to type that name).

So--bottom line is: I am actually looking for a job (if you happen to know of any openings K-So, Nancy, or Cherie). I had left thinking that it might work out to have just the 2 days a week and pick up more shifts at the restaurant or pick up some other day job...only to realize that I can't keep my insurance through my contract company at 2 days/week. My contact company is, of course, also shocked by all of this news today and trying to figure out what to do. They are looking to see if they can supplement the Cartwright job with a couple of days somewhere else. I am looking at additional options such as looking up district job openings and maybe pursuing a placement with the preschool company where I did my student teaching. Also planning to email SKYE tonight and feel that situation out.

Of course, I have been joking for months about just getting a cruiseline job and sailing around the world!!! Anybody want to vote on that? Could be fun, right? Good thing I applied for my passport a few weeks ago!

If anyone has good leads or ideas, give me a call! Jess

Bear attack! ;)

Other than being attacked by a bear, Alaska was pretty cool. We had a great time and I'm sure that there will be many more posts of pictures and stories to come.

Crazy to say but the summer has flown by and I am officially back to work tomorrow. All summer, I've said that I was skeptical that my program would come back (being an amazing--but possibly dispensable--program). I guess that I'm probably the most shocked of all to be able to say that the special ed students at Cartwright will have music therapy again this year! Hooray for that. I'm so glad that budget cuts didn't affect a program that I think is so cool...and makes such a difference for kids. (And I'm especially glad not to be out there looking for a new day job!)

With this news comes apprehension and a sense of anticipated fatigue. I don't know how the summer has come and gone already. I've spent the last week writing dozens of emails and trying to get some sort of tentative schedule to start from. It's been causing some nail-biting moments since the school load has moved around and changed so much this year. However, I do finally have a schedule drafted and will see (cross my fingers) if it will actually work out for all my teachers as their emails roll back in. I am looking forward to seeing the students this week and being back in full swing by next week once all the administration type stuff like scheduling has been hashed out.

Yesterday, I registered for my last semester of my Masters at ASU. I have been waiting to see if they would be offering the three remaining classes during the Fall--or if I would have to wait until the Spring to get all three classes together. Part of me wasn't sure if having a semester off might actually be a good thing but overall, I think it's more important to me to just get it done. Looks like I'll get my wish because ASU decided to offer all three classes this Fall. I happily registered for classes, (un-happily) paid my tuition, and will be set to start my last semester on Aug. 24th. Only 16 more weeks and I'll be finished!

That's it from me. Off to bed. Elisa's been out of town this weekend but I'm sure she'll be writing during the week. More photos etc. to come. -jess-

Alaska update

Hey everyone! Just a quick shout out from us in Alaska! We are having a great time and wish we could stay here in this beautiful place forever. Aunt Lavonne, Uncle Fred, Tamara, Theresa, and Uncle Alan have been entertaining us with so many fun adventures. A few of our highlights so far:

*visiting an old mining village
*going out to dinner for Lavonne and Fred's birthdays (this month)
*tram ride (cable cars) at a fancy ski resort
*trip to Seward and day cruise to see ocean wildlife and glaciers
*visiting a conservation park for rescued animals native to Alaska (moose, reindeer, bears, eagles, owls)
*4-wheeling up to a glacier stream along a fun backroad trail

We've loved the nature and beautiful weather that Alaska has to offer! And here's a few photos so far...

Lots of love from Jess and Elisa!

Brenan Memorial Service Booklet

Hi, everyone! I have a nicely formatted version of Brenan's memorial service to share. It's the printed contents from the memorial service in AZ (the scriptures, songs, reflections, and mediation from Brandon Willett). I did my best (selecting down my LONG list of emails) to send it to all the emails that I have. If, however, I missed you--I would be more than happy to email you a copy. Please EMAIL ME (doremi2u@hotmail.com) rather than replying in the comments here and I will get it sent to you, too.

Thanks to all for the love and thoughts over the last few months! I am so grateful to be done with my student teaching! Elisa and I are headed to Alaska tomorrow. We are *so* excited. I go back to work on August 17th when school starts. I have mixed feelings regarding that--but feel so fortunate to have a job that is only three days a week. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without a flexible school job (and a restaurant that was willing to let me go M.I.A. for a few months) I don't plan to go back to the restaurant until the season kicks back in around October.

Love to all! Jess

Let the Training Begin!

It's now August and time to get started on a serious training program for my triathlon in November. As we know from before, getting a good bike is key to being a successful triathlete. We have now reached that goal! One of Brenan's fabulous ideas was to get me a racing bike as a graduation gift. On Saturday, my parents and I finally went out shopping and I came home with what I have to say is a "golden angel" of a bike. The picture here is not my actual bike but this is exactly what it looks like - I just found this photo on the internet as I have not had the opportunity to take any pictures of my bike yet.

Nichole Nordeman--Every Season

Hi, everyone! Just taking a second to check in. I've finished three weeks of student teaching and only have five more days to go. Thank goodness! I can't believe I am almost finished with something that I have been dreading all summer. The kids have been fun but that's about it. I have felt successful in the experience but frustrated that ASU makes you pay so much tuition just to work you to death in a placement where you get limited guidance and learning. Just seems like a waste. But, hey...I guess that the lessons we learn in life aren't always what we were expecting. There's still always something to reflect and learn from. (And I've certainly learned a place that I *don't* want to work and the kind of teacher I *don't* want to be. Go figure!)

I've been thinking a lot lately about all the blessings that Brenan had in his life and the many ways that all of your prayers were answered in bringing him peace and joy. I've been thinking about a list that I want to write of all those things...things that many of you may not necessarily have known about...that show me how God was with us through Brenan's illness. I hope that everyone can feel that God listened to their heartfelt concerns and continues to listen to each of us now as we pray for healing and our own sense of peace. [That list to come in the future. Perhaps you will feel like adding your own thoughts to it as well.]

Until then, one of my favorite videos...reminding everyone that: for every Winter we have in our lives, there is always a Spring to come.

Nichole Nordeman--Every Season

Lyrics:

Every evening sky, an invitation to trace the patterned stars/And early in July, a celebration for freedom that is ours/And I notice You in children's games/In those who watch them from the shade/Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder/You are summer.

And even when the trees have just surrendered to the harvest time/Forfeiting their leaves in late September and sending us inside/Still I notice You when change begins and I am braced for colder winds/I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come/You are autumn.

And everything in time and under heaven finally falls asleep/Wrapped in blankets white, all creation shivers underneath/And still I notice you when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass/Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter/You are winter.

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced teaching us to breathe/What was frozen through is newly purposed turning all things green/So it is with You and how You make me new with every season's change/And so it will be as You are re-creating me/Summer, autumn, winter, spring.

Life continues...

Much of our day to day life is somewhat back to "normal", although there is a sadness that looms and a weight on all our shoulders. I'm sure I speak for everyone on this. I got a couple of emails about memories of Brenan - anyone else that wants to talk about a memory of Brenan is more than welcome to post a comment!

Jess and I have plans to go up to Alaska to visit Aunt Lavonne and Uncle Fred in August. We are looking forward to that trip. Brenan had always wanted to see Alaska.

Fundraising for the triathlon is going well and now we are working on buying a racing bike for the new training season which begins on August 1. Brenan had the great idea of getting me a bike as a graduation present back in May so we are still going to work on purchasing a good, fast bike for my races.

Steven Curtis Chapman--Be Still and Know

Hi, all! Just a quick shout out to everyone before I drag my tired brain to bed...

Had to start my 4-week student teaching internship last week (requirement for my masters program). It's with preschoolers so that's been fun but the schedule has been somewhat of a culture shock. I have to *be there* at 7:00 am every morning! Anyone who knows my sleep schedule knows that I am not a morning person. It has put a serious damper on my productivity since I don't have time to do anything at night now. Overall, I've been so exhausted, tearful, and absent-minded. But I am counting the days (15 to go) and looking forward to having it behind me. Thinking of you all--even if I'm not having much time to post anything.

Here's a good video in the meantime...finding videos has brought me a lot of peace and comfort over the last two months. Hopefully, you enjoy them as well.

Steven Curtis Chapman: Be Still and Know

Have a Story?

My mom mentioned the other night that she just wants to hear stories about Brenan. I think it's comforting for us all to know that he's not really gone, he stays alive with our memories and stories about his life - especially before he was diagnosed. I'm going to begin writing the story of Brenan. Of course, it will be more like a book but I'll post here and there with an "excerpt" from Brenan's life. In the mean time, it would be awesome for you all to post comments and tell us a little story or memory you have of Brenan.

Also, in an effort to help me raise money, a family member had bumper stickers created. If you donated money already, or want to donate $5, $10, $20, whatever amount you want, I'd be more than happy to send you a bumper sticker in return. Please email me at elisafitness@hotmail.com and send me your address if you want a sticker.

4th of July

I hope you all had a nice holiday. Having been the first holiday after losing Brenan, I can say it was just as difficult, if not more difficult as these past several weeks have been. Lots of tears were shed as we watched fireworks thinking of Brenan and his patriotism. Dave and I were in San Diego for the weekend and Mom and Dad were able to spend time with Sandy and Jean.

Somewhere in the Middle--Casting Crowns

I think that this song really speaks to the way that I have been feeling for the last month. Just kind of rings true to my heart. Perhaps you will feel similarly. It's off Casting Crowns "The Altar and the Door" CD. The song is "Somewhere in the Middle." Aren't we all...

In Case You Weren't Able to Attend

Here are a few photos of the church from the memorial service...

Let the Fundraising Begin!

The moment Brenan was diagnosed with cancer, we became big supporters of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, as did many of you! Part of my involvement with this organization is being a member of Team in Training. Team in Training joins different races around the country and fundraises for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society while raising awareness about blood cancers. All fundraising goes directly to the society and towards research to find a cure. This is what Brenan wanted - that we all continue to help other families reach that cure.

Many of you gave us checks made out to the Society and here's a heads up - they will be processed in the next couple of days! If you gave us a blank check, we made it out for you to the Society and you will see your contribution on my fundraising site.

I will begin training for my triathlon with Team in Training next month. The triathlon is called the Amica Championship and it takes place at Lake Pleasant in Peoria, AZ on November 1st. Mark your calendars!

You can visit my fundraising site and check on my progress by clicking here. You'll see that it will take several days for all your contributions to show up, but have patience! They will be listed there soon!

Memorial in Minnesota

Even though they weren't able to make the trek out to Arizona to celebrate Brenan's life with us in Scottsdale, all our Minnesota friends and family were able to remember Brenan in their own way. Many, many people who love Brenan and our family came to the home of Debbie and Stan LeRoy, my mom's brother, in Northfield on June 7. Debbie was honored to have the memorial service in her home and said that many of our relatives felt a bit more closure having Brenan there with them. Poems were read and stories were told, much like at the service but in a more intimate setting. Thank you to all those who attended and offered support to my parents and sent their love home with them for me and Jess. We are so grateful for all our family and friends!

God Is Not Silent--Tom Quaid

Here is an audio link from a recent service at our church (Vineyard Church North Phoenix) . It was so good that I have listened to it about five times. Reasons why *you* should listen to it: (1) Because it was the kind of message that Brenan would have talked about over lunch...and subsequently gone out to volunteer for yet another community service activity, (2) Because the pastor quotes from "3 Amigos," (3) Because it has some powerful, inspiring ideas about changing the world.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN.
[Click HERE if you'd like the corresponding notes, too].

PS I imagine this is the type of thing where you could download it to an Ipod or other portable device. If you know how to do this sort of thing, please post directions for others in the "comments section." Also, if you have any trouble opening up the audio link, you may need the current version of the Quicktime player. Click HERE for link to free download for QuickTime.

Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Now, let's all go change the world. -jess-

Making Brenan Proud

Brenan would be so excited to know that our cousin, Justin Dwyer, grandson of our Aunt Lavonne who spent so much time with us recently, has just won a national competition in the field of auto mechanics. Brenan was rooting for Justin and enjoyed hearing about his success from Aunt Lavonne. More details on the actual competition coming soon... but I believe there was some sort of scholarship involved for a prestigious auto mechanics school.

Racing in Honor of Brenan

On the day of Brenan's memorial service, Team in Training members were racing in a triathlon which they dedicated to Brenan and our family. From one of my former Team in Training teammates, Heidi, came this:

We were all thinking of Brenan, you, and your family on Saturday. Everyone on my team wore a picture of Brenan and Jess on their race numbers. Attached are some pictures. I plan on donating in Brenan's memory to your next triathlon so please keep me updated.

- Heidi

Anybody there? Post your name HERE

Hey, everyone! The "comments section" has been kind of lonely lately. I know that it feels like there's never anything right to say--I feel that way, too a lot of the time. But, I believe that everyone feels lifted up to see that other people are alongside them in this journey...and I'm trying to figure out if Elisa and I should keep posting here.

So, if you *are* still reading....all you have to do is SIGN YOUR NAME in the comments section. (Click below this post where it says "comments" and a new window will pop up. Type your name and follow directions to submit. You don't have to sign up for anything to post comments.) Let's build a long list! -jess-

Casting Crowns-Praise You In This Storm

This video will completely speak for itself...

Message from Millie

Millie is Dan Bessey's mom. Brenan grew up with Dan and spent a lot of time with the Bessey family. She had a few words of comfort for us. Thanks, Millie.

When we were at the church last week I was trying so hard not to cry... As the service started I began to focus on something, anything that might make me realize that Brenan was OK...I had searched my soul and racked my brain and just couldn't get my arms around all the grief and the sorrow.

Suddenly as the service began, I saw a little lizard climbing outside the building and up the wall, pausing every so often, doing push ups and looking in at the crowd and that became my salvation. I kept thinking, "Yep, there's my sign...Brenan, climbing up the wall, all that strength to hang on, watching to see what we were all up to and making sure he told us it was all ok."

When we left the church Missy (Dan's wife) mentioned a similar story saying that watching that little lizard kept her from being too upset because she found his antics kind of amusing and just about that time, didn't it cross right in front of us. I said, 'Well, there he goes again." Silly? Yes! Comforting? Absolutely!

I figure that every time I see one hanging out in the yard now that'll be my commentary from Brenan that he's OK and watching over us all.

Bryan mentioned him being a guardian angel and I believe that to be true. Angels take on many forms for people and so that little lizard will be mine.

I hope your days are getting better as time goes on. Grief isn't easy, it changes over time and at least becomes tolerable.

Stained Glass Masquerade Video

Really cool video. A good reminder for all to "keep it real." Kind of goes along with the 'Real Christians can grieve' motif. A great song by Casting Crowns...enjoy. -jess-

Two passages from church that really stood out to me today:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
John 9:1-5 (NIV)
1 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

I found this really comforting. As Brenan and I believed, and I continue to believe, God does not give us diseases or choose not to cure us from diseases. God simply uses these things in a way that helps us better learn about Him, learn about each other, and with time God makes some kind of good out of all the sadness we experience in this world...if we open ourselves up to the possibility of that good.
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1 Timothy 6:6-12, 17-19 (NIV)
6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9 Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19 In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

"Take hold of the life that is TRULY life." Words to live by.
Love to all -Jess-

"You've Got a Friend"

Cousin Roni emailed us this cool video. Thought others might enjoy it too.

Meditation by Brandon Willett

Friends--These are the words of Brandon Willett from the memorial service on Saturday. From the bottom of my heart, I am so thankful that God gave Kristin and Brandon the strength to lead the service on Saturday. They have been such tremendous friends to us and were grieving the same loss that we all were. Hope that these words bring ongoing comfort to all. -jess-
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Early this past Monday morning our sense of what is normal changed forever. Now what? We have lost a beloved part of our lives and the heavy weight of this loss is, at times, unbearable. We feel pain, shock, disillusionment, anger, confusion, disappointment and a host of other emotions that hurt. In spite of this we have gathered today in this service of worship to honor Brenan Eiler and to celebrate his life, to express our gratitude for the countless ways in which his life has touched, shaped, challenged, and enriched our own lives, to share our most cherished memories of him, to begin to grieve, and many of us have come with a deep desire to understand, why? Why has this tragedy happened?

It is a very common and important part of the grieving process for those who experience the loss of a loved one to ask this question. This can be especially true regarding faithful Christians because we believe our God who creates, sustains, and loves us has the power to heal any ailment and the wisdom to answer our question. So what is the answer? From the deepest part of my being, after many hours of prayer and thought I would have to say, “I don’t know.” And I believe the truest answer any completely honest person and faithful Christian would give is, “I don’t know.” None of us knows why death, pain, and suffering happens. Our inability to get to the bottom of this question is one thing that binds together all people in every time and place and over the centuries the Christian tradition has discovered and preserved some helpful suggestions on the path to understanding “why.” Consider the following ideas as you work toward your own grief recovery.

First, be aware that we have a tendency to assign blame for the negative things that happen in our lives. It is common to do so. Somewhat ironically for non-Christians and Christians alike God is arguably the most commonly accused. “What did I, or she, or he do to deserve this?” and “Why me, her, or him Lord?” are common expressions that assign blame to God. How do you think God would respond to being accused in this way? A few weeks ago when we were visiting with Brenan and Jess they both expressed deep concern regarding this issue. “I don’t know why this has happened, but God did not do it,” they said. I am humbled by this testament of their deep reverence for God and their concern for others.

Over the past few weeks I have spent a great deal of time considering Brenan’s point and I have shared it with you because it exemplifies a classic Christian ideal- God creates life he doesn’t destroy it. Like Brenan I do not believe God afflicted him with with the disease that would eventually take his life. I cannot begin to understand, much less explain “why” or “why him” and so as a person of faith who is grieving the loss of a good man and friend, I have turned to God; for answers, or comfort, or presence or whatever God will give me that will begin to remove the sting of this loss. I have turned to God because grieving is messy business and most of us will experience greater healing when we grieve together. In addition, the process of working through grief is different for every person but it usually involves some combination of sobbing, silence, trembling, screaming, shock. I have turned to God because as the one who created us and became human, God is familiar not only with human grief but with my grief and yours too. For us, a sense of peace is not yet on the horizon, but I have turned to God because I believe the assurance from scripture that God’s peace transcends all understanding, especially my own. There is no more ready and able partner with whom to travel the road of grief recovery than God.

God is now and will continue to be with you in your grief. Only you can decide when, how, and the extent to which you will interact with God as you work through your grief. It is my belief that God doesn’t care nearly so much how we interact with him as that we choose to interact with him. The emotions we experience as the result of a significant loss are many and complicated. Express them to God candidly. Sob, scream, wrestle, argue, engage, accuse. God loves us beyond measure and without reservation. Be confident that God will stay with us through the overwhelming emotions that are borne out of grief. It is common for grief to challenge and even disrupt a person’s faith. Remember that God will be with you always. Take the time you need to restore a firm foundation for your faith.

Finally, as we celebrate Brenan’s life, wonder why, grieve, and wrestle with God let us be sensitive to the needs of each other. Even as we ourselves grieve we may be in a unique position to help another person with his or her grief. Be attentive to the ways in which you might be able to use your own experience with grief to share God’s grace and love by listening carefully, being present, or sharing stories. But a word of caution here: Remember that every person feels and moves through grief in different ways so don’t presume to know another person’s needs or where another person is in his or her grief recovery. If you want to help, ask what you can do. And by all means avoid clichés that generalize or trivialize or offer quick and easy solutions to another person’s grief. Offering a hug or a shoulder to cry on or to spend time with another person is worth more than words can say. Let us celebrate Brenan’s life. God bless you. Godspeed. Amen.