Almost 1 Year

I know it's been awhile - but I have not wanted to officially sign off quite yet. I will still blog from time to time. Hopefully will not let almost 4 months go by like I did.

I was walking Piper this morning and letting my mind wander, like I always do, and my thoughts turned to Brenan, like they always do. It's been almost one year since my brother passed. It feels like it was just yesterday, to tell you the truth. When someone so close to you dies, it's as if time stands still - it doesn't matter that so many days have passed, the loss is still there feeling as fresh as it did on May 25, 2009. The gaping wound that was left in my heart when he died is still there. It's trying to heal, it really is... but then I pick at the scab and it starts to bleed again. I think of Brenan before he was diagnosed, missing my strong big brother acting like a goofball and annoying me. I think of our time in the hospital and seeing him get weaker and weaker. Memories float all around me from different times in our life every single day and I find new things to be sad about - or sometimes something to smile about. And I know that as years go by, my wound will not be as deep. It will still be there, it just won't hurt quite as bad. I won't think of my brother every hour - maybe just a couple times a day. But it's this transition and healing that makes me even more sad.